To watch my hero slowly wither away tore me apart in unexpected ways nine years ago, when my father succumbed to cancer.
People process grief differently and how you go about this, could have adverse effects on your mental health. For four years in high school, I didn't mourn my father because I didn't want to be the 'orphan that cries at the slightest thing'. This obsession to 'be okay' has been nothing but a ticking time bomb. Knowing what I know now, it really is important to remind oneself, that it is okay not to be okay.
Depression struck in 2020 because unprocessed grief was lurking in the darkness, and when it finally abducted me, I got suicidal. Grief fuels my struggles with mental health. Losing my father, my first love has incapacitated me beyond imagination. For a while, I tried to find my father in the men I dated. I need not tell you the terrible circumstances I found myself in, all in the name of love.
Failing to grieve this loss for the first four years after his demise has made it so hard for me to talk, ask for help, and openly talk about my feelings because I don't want to appear weak. Also, one time when I tried to talk to a friend about my dad, she said "Elvine," her face curving into a frown, "you are such a killjoy!"
It's important to surround yourself with people that respect and value your emotions because then, you can rely on them for support if needed. Given the tough economic times, political turmoil, and growing social divide on several things; we all need a China wall in people we can trust.
I realized while working on an article about"how to tell if you are depressed or have anxiety" that I actually had all the signs listed. I was unhappy, lacked motivation, had short concentration spans, barely slept, and was gravely dissatisfied with the direction my life was leading.
Taking care of your mental health requires intentionality, patience, and putting in the work. Reading African fiction, writing letters to my father, listening to sermons by Sarah Jakes Roberts, and praying to bring me back to myself. I'm still learning how to speak up loudly and boldly; about my father and the things I feel passionate about.
Self-care is the most effective way of taking care of my mental health. Sometimes, it's as simple as getting myself a piece of red velvet cake. But essentially, it's listening to my body, taking mental health breaks, getting on Snapchat to sing along to music, and making my little contribution towards creating a better world through advocacy.
I'm ridding myself of the fear of being a killjoy because it has robbed my voice of tenacity. Lately, I've been speaking, even with a shaky voice. The most liberating thing, however, has been the acknowledgment that mental health issues are here. Since acknowledging this, how I handle myself through episodes of depression, anxiety, and panic attacks has had a positive impact.